Rough week...

Yeah, I've had a rough week. I haven't taken my breakup with Louise very well. In fact, it has made me very much feel alone and question what the hell I am doing in China still.

I've been trying to stay out of my apartment this past week. Last Thursday my friends Rob and Chris took me on a pub-crawl of the old Yantai barstreet, Chao Yang Jie. It was strange being in some of these old bars where we used to spend so much time, now only filled with a few Chinese. Colours Bar was the most interesting, being a Chinese gay bar.

If anyone needs proof that being gay is genetic, I believe it must be Colours Bar. In China, being gay isn't just looked down upon, it is downright denied. Gay doesn't exist in China (well, not officially). I cannot imagine any Chinese teenager thinking, "Gee, you know what? My family will disown me, I will never get a job in this country, and quite likely the police will invent a reason to lock me up, but you know... I really feel like being gay. I am making that choice." No, of course not. Anyone gay in China is that way because there is something in their bodies telling them to be. No one in their right mind would "make that choice" as many neo-cons in American would have you believe. Yet, this bar still had patrons who are open about their sexual orientation, in one of the few places outside of Mississippi where it would be harder to do so. Anywho... I digress.

I've played poker 3 times this week. Walked away with 200 RMB of Lee's money tonight, so that made me happy. You sorry son-of-a-criminal.

Tonight I went and treated myself to a sushi dinner at the Air Plaza Hotel. Really nice sushi sampler and bottle of saki for $11. Yum, yum. Saki got me nice a buzzed before I went out to the bar, but its ok because I'm not working tomorrow. May 1-7 is Chinese labor holiday. Legally, every company in China must give their workers 1-3 off, but of course, my company never follows the law, and instead we are only getting May 1st off. Oh well, se la vie.

I'm still not doing ok, but I'm working on it. I've got good friends here who invite me out. I just wish this city weren't so dang small. The entire ex-pat social life here revolves around one bar and the same 30 people. Living somewhere like Shanghai or Hong Kong would really allow you to get lost in the crowd and re-invent yourself if need be. Oh well... as long as I have a decent job keeping me in Yantai, I won't be moving any time soon... but if I suddenly don't have a reason to stay in Yantai, Hong Kong is looking awfully sweet right about now.