Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Coxian list

This is from my friend, Crazy Ben. When Ben's not living in China, he's living under a bridge, somewhere in Maine. All of the below is his work... I felt the need to share.

As my time in China is coming to an end I have been spending a lot of time reflecting on how I have changed over the last year, and watching a lot of Scrubs. So here is my list of things that no longer surprise me.

Kids making out in the bushes.

People almost getting hit by cars.

Cars getting hit by cars.

Being on a bus that hits a car.

Children shitting in the street.

Old people shitting in the street.

Smelling shit every where I go.


Dogs with out leashes.

Dogs with out owners.

Feral dogs.

Feral cats.


Drunk Chinese people before 5pm.

Knife fights.

Cops with their lights on being passed.

Cops with their lights on being passed in the break down lane.

People driving the wrong way down one way streets.

Russian girls.

Fire works at any time of the day or night on any day or night for god knows what reason.

Getting things for free because I am white.

Paying twice as much for things because I am white.

People who say, "Hello" then laugh.

Children staring and pointing at the white guy.

Adults staring and pointing at the white guy.

Barber shops that sound like dance clubs.

Chinese girls with mullets.

Shirts that have English phrases that don't mean anything.

Being told I am cool by anyone who notices anything not Chinese about my clothes.

Students asking why Jack's eyes aren't blue.

Pot bellied men with their shirts tucked up under their armpits.

Men cuddling on the bus.

Getting groped at by overly friendly Chinese guys.

Seeing Chinese girls get groped at because that is actually a substitute for bar conversation.

The "lets see what you are working with" look-over at the urinal.

The quarter inch of urine on the floor in any public restroom.

Anyone from another English speaking country using made up non-sense words.

Girls holding hands.

Guys holding hands (added by Nick).

Four people on a moterscooter with four 25 foot lengths of pipe driving though heavy traffic.

Secret doors.

Not knowing if someone is hungry or angry with you.

Russian Girls.

Chinese Doctors (though Jack will always fear them)

Pet stores and restaurants being one and the same.

Being encouraged, by everyone, to sleep with girls who are under 18.

Being encouraged to sleep with students.

Being told you are some ones favorite person to dance with.

Being told someone will not ever dance with you because you dance like a jackass.

Welding in public.

Welding with no eye protection.

Bear Face.

Oh, and Hugh Jackman.

(Nick fully understands that his readers will not understand the last two lines of this post, unless of course you are living in Yantai and have frequented "Bear Face". No, I will not explain further.