Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Relating to the previous post's title

Ok, so I guess my last post never really explained the title that well. I can't go into too much detail as I don't want to embarrass any one person in particular, but I will list a few things vaguely so you get the idea a little. Yes, its slightly incriminating, but I'm not telling you anything you didn't already guess.

  • If you are a Chinese guy who's been charged with the job of driving a bunch of 20-something fraternity guys around your country, don't under any circumstance teach them foul language in Mandarin, especially as you are driving them to a bar or nightclub. It is just a bad idea.
  • If you are a western businessman hosting a business dinner in China, don't under any circumstance invite your son's fraterity brother friends along to the dinner. Chinese business dinners usually involve imbibing copious amounts of baijiu, a vodka-like rice wine and seeing who can hold the most liquor. When the restaurant informs you that you drank every last drop of baijiu in the place, the Chinese businessmen are basically on the floor, and a certain Englishman who's name begins with O starts to mock them loudly for not drinking enough... you know you've made a mistake.
  • If you are a Chinese villager who lives by the Great Wall and makes his living by trekking bottles of water to the top for thirsty hikers, don't try and sell a bunch of fraternity brothers beer. It only makes them look stupid because they are standing on a cultural wonder pounding back a beer. It was really refreshing beer though.
  • If you are the owner of a fireworks stall in China, don't setup shop near the entrance of a large western gated compound. If you do set up shop there, do not sell mortars the size of a Chevy or packs of 12 Roman Candles for $3.
  • If you are the guard of said western compound, do not leave your guardshack when a group of idiot fraternity brothers starts having a roman candle fight in the middle of the street. You might get hit by one and singe your jacket like we singed ours.
  • If you go to a night club, do not loose your coat-check tag and then try to bribe the guard to get your jacket at the end of the night.
  • If you are in a foreign country, do not abuse the phrase, "When in Rome..." Sometimes you shouldn't do things even if the locals do them.
  • If you are a bar owner, do not sell 12 shots of Absinthe for 100 RMB ($12). You will only get a bunch of stupid fraternity guys drunk, and then they'll buy more, seeing if they can finish all the shots on the menu. On second thought, if you are a bar owner, do sell those Absinthe shots.

Actually, all kidding aside (and despite the above list) we managed to do a very good job of reining ourselves in I think. We managed only to get a few stares from people, and I think that was just because we were such a large group of Westerners. As much as I like to joke, I think we didn't make fools of ourselves too much. Surprisingly.